Friday, October 21, 2011
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Most Important Thing In Life
In the midst of a week and half stretch that saw me get a $230 ticket for driving the wrong way down an alley (actually), spend upwards of three hours on the phone with customer service award of the year recipients: Bell, and work till midnight the night that my sister and her brand new baby fly into town four the first of four days, I've come to realize the importance of those things in life that rise above all the rest.Shopping Statistics
I'm not big into all the advanced stats that I read about everywhere, but I find myself calculating the amount of time and money I spent correlated with the size of the intended recipient of the gift that this time and money purchased. I've discovered that the more time you spend in the store added to the amount of dollars handed over, divided by the wieght in lbs of the recipient is oppositely proportional to the importance of the thing in your life. Example, if I spent 5 bucks and ten minutes buying something for Sheldon Souray, that means it's not very important. Conversely, if I spend an hour and buy something for $35 for baby Dyllin, who weighs approximately 2 grams, that means that in the grand scheme of life it's a pretty important thing.
As I stepped into my neighbourhood coffee and craft store today I was instantly reminded that the gifts and coffee I would find today would be friggin expensive. Everything in there is hand-made, thus the demnad for top-dollar. I understand this, and already I was feeling good about my decision to buy local. I saw a large serving bowl, light beech coloured, wide, shiny, extremely beautiful and basically taken right off my sister's christmas list. What? $325.00. Holy eff. No problem, I'm here for the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.
In addition to me wanting to buy local, hand-made gifts from atop my high-horse, I selected this store because a few weeks prior I noticed some really cool stuffed animal things. The lady that owns the store creates one-of-a-kind, um, again, stuffed animal things that are weird looking. My neice was weird looking up until a couple months ago because she was born 8 months premature, so I figured I was on the right track. There were fish made of mittens, triangle-men with two different buttons for eyes, turtles with circles of fabric as the pattern on their shells, and other wacky characters that were all unique. A large duck-looking creature with dangly arms and thoughtful eyes jumped out at me after a long search. No, he didn't seriously jump out at me! Though I wish he had! No, this little guy was perched all alone on his shelf, just waiting for a thoughful handsome shopper like me to swoop in and post bail.
I'm set, I thought. He's very soft, but he's not super cute by any stretch of the imagination. He's unique, and I think of my niece, so far away for 360 days of the year, holding him close with her useless little arms on cold dark nights. Maybe she'll have a secret name for him (maybe my name! Can you imagine?!), and she'll take him everywhere she goes. He might not look like a typical companion for the smallest child ever made, but he's got style.
Sometimes we shouldn't worry about looking the part, or being fancy, or projecting the image that we think everyone wants from us. Sometimes we should just be who we are and let the chips fall where they may. We'll get rewarded eventually, even if we're goofy looking, or our phone company is an idiot or we haven't scored in eleven games or our arms are useless. Sometimes even though we have to work late, our tiny nieces will roll into town, chase away the weather itself and bring some peace and quiet to our weary minds.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Part 1: Ten Obscure Things I Love About Hockey
The goals! The intensity! Eff that, they've all been done. Here's part one of obscure things that dominate brain far more than they should.1. Gloves
Someone with a solid set of gloves that fits their hands perfectly just seems to scream ‘dangle’ to me. You can tell that a dude can handle the puck when he or she has a solid grip on their stick (!) and looks more like they’re handling a pool cue (Ales Hemsky) as opposed to a two-by-four (Jason Strudwick).
This obviously should have a lot to do with just having the proper size of mitts, so then why do some players look like they’re wielding the wood (!!) for the first time in their lives? Derian Hatcher comes to mind. Even The gloves with the big long cuffs a la Wayne Gretzky and Ryan Smyth seem to be tight and suited to the player. Gloves go a long way toward the notion of ‘look good, feel good, play good’, a notion that I’ve only ever mastered the former two thirds of.
Fabric, not leather. Leather wrecks cows, don’t you know that? Hockey likes cows, stay away from the leather. Fabric is where it’s at, leather gloves make me feel like Bobby Dollas. Cory Cross was a sweet guy, but I bet he wore leather gloves. Think about it.
2. Visors
My friend and ex-roommate T-Day used to go off about guys that still insisted on rocking the worst, ugliest, obviously most useless and visually obstructing visors ever. While he might not have cleaned up after his girlfriend enough, he was bang-on about the visor thing. Newer Itech and Oakley straight viseys that are straight along the bottom are so sharp and pro-fesh, what’s Brian Rafalski thinking?
Wait, on that note, what’s going through the brains of every single Detroit Red Wing? Rafalski, Lidstrom, KIRK MALTBY, why does Detroit insist on wearing relics from Vincent Damphouse’s basement? These things are just awful, get a grip.
Edit: I knew there had to be pre-existing bitching on this.
Someone with a solid set of gloves that fits their hands perfectly just seems to scream ‘dangle’ to me. You can tell that a dude can handle the puck when he or she has a solid grip on their stick (!) and looks more like they’re handling a pool cue (Ales Hemsky) as opposed to a two-by-four (Jason Strudwick).
This obviously should have a lot to do with just having the proper size of mitts, so then why do some players look like they’re wielding the wood (!!) for the first time in their lives? Derian Hatcher comes to mind. Even The gloves with the big long cuffs a la Wayne Gretzky and Ryan Smyth seem to be tight and suited to the player. Gloves go a long way toward the notion of ‘look good, feel good, play good’, a notion that I’ve only ever mastered the former two thirds of.
Fabric, not leather. Leather wrecks cows, don’t you know that? Hockey likes cows, stay away from the leather. Fabric is where it’s at, leather gloves make me feel like Bobby Dollas. Cory Cross was a sweet guy, but I bet he wore leather gloves. Think about it.
2. Visors
My friend and ex-roommate T-Day used to go off about guys that still insisted on rocking the worst, ugliest, obviously most useless and visually obstructing visors ever. While he might not have cleaned up after his girlfriend enough, he was bang-on about the visor thing. Newer Itech and Oakley straight viseys that are straight along the bottom are so sharp and pro-fesh, what’s Brian Rafalski thinking?
Wait, on that note, what’s going through the brains of every single Detroit Red Wing? Rafalski, Lidstrom, KIRK MALTBY, why does Detroit insist on wearing relics from Vincent Damphouse’s basement? These things are just awful, get a grip.
Edit: I knew there had to be pre-existing bitching on this.
Honourable mention to Petr Sykora; why is his face always crooked?
3. Shower Pops
A couple guys I’ve played beer league with introduced me to shower beers, and they’re everything you could possibly imagine. Plus they get you loosened up so you don’t care as much that four of you are sharing… wait, nevermind. Let’s just leave it at this: everyone loves to drink something cold while standing in something hot. Holy eff I think I just invented the greatest quote of all time!
The other half of this obscure hockey thing that I love is that shower pops indicate that hockey is over, which has always been a pretty good feeling too, especially when you get older. Not because I don’t like hocky, I really mean that it’s a good feeling when working hard is over, like when you’re done a bag-skate. Coaches always used to tell me that it’d feel great when it’s over, and boy has that ever rang true in a lot of different avenues in life.
4. Hockey Speeches
Pump-up speeches or pre-game chats come in a variety of forms, from uber-exciting ‘great job gang!’ types to dark and foreboding proclamations of a need to string all of the players up by the neck. The best are when the rage shines through. Everyone remembers that time when your half psychotic coach booted the garbage can across the room and all the broken bottles that were in it that your buddy spent a half hour smashing with the knob of his stick in the first intermission sprays all over another guy’s gloves and then cuts the bajeezuz out of his hands the whole third period. That was awesome.
My favorite thing to do is to pick up a stick while you’re giving it to the team and just spin it around in your hands. You’re even more intimidating when it’s broken in half. And you have blood shooting from your ears.
5. New Twigs and Tape Jobs
My favorite thing to do as a player was to chill out with a buddy on game day and watch Rock ‘em Sock ‘em videos and tape our sticks. It was such a process, I know a bunch of guys who could do that ultra fast tape job and be done with it, but I really liked to take my time and get it right. Too bad that’s a lesson I never transferred to real life, snap! Aw, I made myself sad.
I know a guy who used to tell me which way any player I could name shot the puck (right vs. left) and I would counter with telling him what kind of skates they all wore. I think this is because I was fast and had zero hands around the net, and the guy I’m referring too had ok wheels but could snipe from anywhere. Interesting, but I think it’s in people’s brains, what kind of players they are.
Anyway, getting a new stick is always a good thing (!!!), I’ve always had the best shot with a brand new stick and a sharp white tape job. Even though I’m not racist. And that garbage about black tape vs. white tape and the goalie being able to see the puck, is that true? I know that different colours of goalie pads don’t affect my ability to shoot straight into the chest or to miss the net by five feet from the top of the crease.
3. Shower Pops
A couple guys I’ve played beer league with introduced me to shower beers, and they’re everything you could possibly imagine. Plus they get you loosened up so you don’t care as much that four of you are sharing… wait, nevermind. Let’s just leave it at this: everyone loves to drink something cold while standing in something hot. Holy eff I think I just invented the greatest quote of all time!
The other half of this obscure hockey thing that I love is that shower pops indicate that hockey is over, which has always been a pretty good feeling too, especially when you get older. Not because I don’t like hocky, I really mean that it’s a good feeling when working hard is over, like when you’re done a bag-skate. Coaches always used to tell me that it’d feel great when it’s over, and boy has that ever rang true in a lot of different avenues in life.
4. Hockey Speeches
Pump-up speeches or pre-game chats come in a variety of forms, from uber-exciting ‘great job gang!’ types to dark and foreboding proclamations of a need to string all of the players up by the neck. The best are when the rage shines through. Everyone remembers that time when your half psychotic coach booted the garbage can across the room and all the broken bottles that were in it that your buddy spent a half hour smashing with the knob of his stick in the first intermission sprays all over another guy’s gloves and then cuts the bajeezuz out of his hands the whole third period. That was awesome.
My favorite thing to do is to pick up a stick while you’re giving it to the team and just spin it around in your hands. You’re even more intimidating when it’s broken in half. And you have blood shooting from your ears.
5. New Twigs and Tape Jobs
My favorite thing to do as a player was to chill out with a buddy on game day and watch Rock ‘em Sock ‘em videos and tape our sticks. It was such a process, I know a bunch of guys who could do that ultra fast tape job and be done with it, but I really liked to take my time and get it right. Too bad that’s a lesson I never transferred to real life, snap! Aw, I made myself sad.
I know a guy who used to tell me which way any player I could name shot the puck (right vs. left) and I would counter with telling him what kind of skates they all wore. I think this is because I was fast and had zero hands around the net, and the guy I’m referring too had ok wheels but could snipe from anywhere. Interesting, but I think it’s in people’s brains, what kind of players they are.
Anyway, getting a new stick is always a good thing (!!!), I’ve always had the best shot with a brand new stick and a sharp white tape job. Even though I’m not racist. And that garbage about black tape vs. white tape and the goalie being able to see the puck, is that true? I know that different colours of goalie pads don’t affect my ability to shoot straight into the chest or to miss the net by five feet from the top of the crease.
Monday, December 14, 2009
This is what it feels like to run outside and start the Wagon at 9 so I'll be able to drive home at 1 in the morning. Seriously, for a brief period of time we lived in the single most coldest place on the continent. That's ridiculous, Mrs. Nylander was right.
Randomness (Or, I'm bored and I'm trying to get used to writing every other day)
1. Like anyone else, I can't stand it when a referee tries to turn a game into his show. It's extremely obvious, everybody in the crowd can tell, and it's really embarassing to watch. Does swimming have refs? Like, synchronized swimming? I'll bet they do. Being involved in and around Edmonton for a lot of games it's fairly painful when you shake a ref's hand at the beginning of the game and you that the twinkle in his eye is telling you that you're in for a gonger. Seriously, get a new job you idiots, buy an ice cream truck and make sure you've got a lot of room in the back.
2. Recruiting players for a spring hockey team is turning out to lack a lot of the fun and excitement I figured would come along with it. Pretending to be a GM for twelve-year olds should be fun, but it's not. Thank christ I'm not one of these guys that attaches his name to aspiring young players that already have talent. I'm way more excited to see some of the kids I've taught that looked like bambi on the ice grow up and make hockey into a worthwhile pasttime. Past-time? Unlike some of the beer league donkeys I'm watching right now, who should concentrate exclusively on standing up instead of trying to brush another guy's teeth with their sticks.
3. One time I got kicked out of a game because a ref gave me a penalty for asking him to let his buddy (the other zebra) know that drinking only a six-pack before his next game would suffice, he didn't need to down an entire box of champagne. He blew the whistle, I asked him how he liked his sparkiling grape fruit juice, he gave me a penalty, and I told him to make it count, and suggested that he play a quick game of hide-and-go-f*^k yourself. My ten year-old players thought I was instantly way more awesomer, and my mom told me that she'd miss me when I was burning in hell.
Friday, December 11, 2009
6 Hockey Tips: Passing the Rondelle (French)
We all want to pass the puck like Doug, but I used a picture of Mr. Dangles yesterday, so in honour of his recent hot streak (that I knew would happen, because he's just a killer to watch): today we all want to pass like Lubo.6 Hockey Tips:
How to Pass the Puck
1. Square to the Target:
I’m not a fan of teaching kids to turn away from their target and sweep the puck across the front of their body. Use stationary passing to encourage square shoulders facing the direction of the intended target.
2. Independant Upper Body: We should be teaching young players to pass using their arms without moving their feet or transferring weight. Save the weight transfer for shoot learnin’. Keep your little guy or gal’s hands off of their hips, so they use their arms independent of their legs. Like Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, whose limbs flail about as if independent from his body.
3. Hard Passes: Pass the puck hard. Get it? Preach this early and often, it’s just as important for the passer as it is for the receiver to get used to receiving hard passes. Some great verbs I use to enforce this: zippy, snappy, whippy, scrumtrillescanty.
4. Aim at Your Target: Don’t point the toe of your stick at the target, use the entire blade, but mostly the heel as a guide to send the puck straight and true, or strong and free, whichever floats your boat.
5. Have Muscle, Will Travel: (What?) If your young paduwan learner has noodles for arms, let them know that wheelchair basketball is a better option (irony). Seriously, they need to hold their stick like they mean it, and put some sauce behind the pass.
6. Empirical Research: Tell them to watch the Edmonton Oilers for a three game stretch to view all the correct and incorrect ways to pass the puck. Actually, just watch one shift and they’ll get to see every kind of pass imaginable, a couple sui’s, pucks in the feet, and then a rocket laser beam tonight against St. Loius from Lubomir Visnovsky right on the tape. Book it.
Next up: Make mit der shoosting!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I Want to Believe
I want to believe that hockey players are concerned with how the game is going to make them into a better person. I want to believe that parents see the benefit of showing up to practice and games when the coach asks you to. I want to believe that the truly good people in the game will get rewarded for a year of being last in bag-skates as a result of playing above their level because of an organization having one too many teams. People often aren't rewarded for the work they put in thanks to a constantly flawed system no matter where you look, but I want to believe that Craig MacTavish was right when he said that ulitmately the game of hockey will reward you.
I'm starting to get really nervous about some of the kids I've coached and how quickly they're growing up. Some of them have progressed more than they can possibly realize and they're soon going to have to make tough decisions. I hope that they choose to stick with the gruelling schedule of practices, games, spring hockey and all the dry-land training and whatnot, because the ones that I have in my brain right now have a real shot to make hockey into a career.
Peer pressure is going to start to creep in, particularly with female hockey (YOU get involved with female hockey and tell me I'm passing judgement). Other priorities are going to present themselves along with it all, and I just hope that the time they've spent with me will help them to make strong decisions.
How many stories are there about players that had talent that screwed it up? How many players got intimidated or felt they needed to fit in with a certain demographic in order to achieve their goals? I'm tip-toeing on an ugly line here, but it's not my fault that my brain worries about things. Believe me, I've done my part to try to shut my brain up. Nothing could possibl-eye go wrong. Possibl-ee go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
OH GOD
Hopefully it's alright to worry. I get to watch one of my players try out for an Alberta Winter Games spot this weekend, and I'm excited for her to get away from the shenanigans of our peewee team for a little bit. She's clearly taking that next step, like I've talked about, and again, I'm worried sick about her growing up (even though she's got maturity beyond her years), and I know without qualification that she'll be fine. It's tough to watch young hockey players go through the stress and consternation of this sometimes silly game, but it's clearly got a role to play for all of us who care for its ability to develop people on and off the ice. I'm unbelievably happy to have a part in it at all. Happier than when I started writing this post.
The system works!
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